12.22.2008

As I have reflected back on the time, conversation, and memories shared with our parents last evening the only word I can think of is "Miracle"

Miracle (mir-e-kel) 1. an event or action unexplained by scientific law 2. an awesome or unimaginable event.

We have shared with dad on multiple occasions the events that took place in October which caused him to be hospitalized for 19 days. Dad does not remember much of anything regarding his grave condition nor the circumstances. He does acknowledge the fact that he is lucky to be here and remains positive, faithful, and optimistic despite the grim statistics of this horrible disease, this is a miracle.

Our father was able to complete his chemo/radiation treatments without lengthy interruptions, this is a miracle.

Our mother has been able to continue working and providing amazing insurance benefits. She remains faithful to her mission call, her eternal companion, her children, and her Father in Heaven, she is a miracle.

Dad's medical team remain hopeful, optimistic, encouraging, willing and promising, this is a miracle.

Encouraging words, sentiments of love, phone calls, notes, cards, fasting and prayer continue to sustain us, this is a miracle.

As we consider all that has taken place over the past 4 months, look towards tomorrow, and contemplate where this journey could take us I realize that our parents have blessed each of us with the opportunity of a lifetime, this journey is a miracle.

12.21.2008

Mom and Dad spent this morning at the Tabernacle with the choir and then returned home. Dad's maintenance chemo is double the dose he was originally taking, he takes it for 5 days and is then off for 30. Dad took his first dose last evening, so far so good. Dad continues to gain strength each and every day. His coloring is much better, his voice is stronger, and his appetite is slowly improving.

Mom and Dad had a wonderful visit this afternoon with dad's cousin Cherl who lives in Cedar Hills. Cherl and her fun husband are two of our "favorites", their visits bring stories, humor, and endless laughter.

After preparing dad''s medications for the week I spent the remainder of the evening visiting with mom and dad around the "very warm" fire blazing in the fireplace, the poor quality of coal from the Fairview house sparked a great reminiscing conversation of dad's younger days in the coal mines of Castledale. I love hearing dad tell stories of his father and grandfather; two men I never knew. Dad's long term memory is fascinating, he can recall some of the most detailed experiences of his childhood. As we were visiting this evening dad became very quiet, reflective, and emotional as he commented "the Lord is blessing me beyond my understanding. He continued to share "I asked the Lord to bless my body that it would adjust to my new chemo regimen and I have not experienced any side effects, I am so blessed." I assured our father that he certainly is being blessed and so are the rest of us; we, too have petitioned the Lord for various blessings throughout this journey and continue to marvel at the indescribable heavenly love we feel. As I grow older I am discovering that I do not have the ability to remember days like I used to; however, I am more mindful of moments. I am so grateful for the "moments" I experienced tonight, laughing, crying, and reminiscing with our amazing parents.

12.20.2008

Dad is exhausted following his early shifts at the temple, running errands in a blizzard, and his full schedule of events from last week; he is resting today. Dad's chemo now has to be delivered to the house and requires a signature, it was delivered this morning and dad is anxious to get started.

Mom spent a portion of today shopping and enjoying the Christmas spirit while dad remained at home in front of the fire. Mom and Dad are looking forward to the arrival of our family from Idaho for the holidays. Marty has been stranded in Anchorage, Alaska for the past couple of days and we are all anxious for him to return to Idaho so that he can turn around, pick up his family and travel to Utah for the holidays.

12.19.2008

Mom is off today and was able take dad and pick him up from his early morning shift at the Temple. Despite the horrendous road conditions and winter storm dad had a list of things he wanted to accomplish today, he and mom were out driving around in a blizzard! They went to Cabellas, Cal Ranch, Dave's shop and a few other random stops along the way; according to dad he has had a "wonderful" day.

Dad started a fire in the fireplace and is settling in to relax and watch some movies, mom is going to try to recover from her day of driving in a blizzard.

12.18.2008

Mom took dad to the temple early this morning for his weekly shift, I picked dad up when his shift had ended and took him home. As always I cherished the few moments we were able to spend reviewing his morning, his party last evening, and the events on the calendar for this afternoon. I had made some homemade chicken noodle soup with homemade noodles and all thinking that dad might enjoy it for lunch; he was kind and said he might try it. I am pretty sure Campbell's Chicken Noodle will win.

Mom is taking dad to his Neurologist later this afternoon, we are sure that all will go well.

Dad passed his exam with the Neurologist with flying colors, Dr. Gaufin does not need to see dad again unless he develops a problem. Once again our prayers have been answered. I spent the evening with mom and dad as we had our annual candy making event, dad worked in his office as we worked in the kitchen. The sounds, sights, and tastes of Christmas filled our childhood home this evening; I feel so humbly blessed to have been there to experience it.

12.17.2008

Mom and Dad had a formal dinner/party at the Grand America this evening, an event that dad has been looking forward to for over one month. Again, one month ago we would have never thought it would be possible for him to attend. The event was for guest service missionaries, special event coordinators, and other church officials.

Dad said that the food was "alright" but that Patty B. (caterer for the church) does a better job. Throughout this cancer journey we have heard numerous times "one of Patty's eclairs sure does sound good". We have tried Patty, we now accept that we will never be able to compete with you.

President Monson spoke at this evening's dinner, dad was so happy to be among so many of his colleagues and dear friends.

Dad is looking forward to serving his shift in the temple tomorrow and Friday.

12.16.2008

Mom took dad to see Dr. Whang today for his regular pacemaker/defibrillator check ups. Dr. Whang feels that dad is doing "very good" considering all that he has been through since his last visit. The lower portion of dad's heart remains somewhat "sluggish", nothing that we were not already aware of. Dad was encouraged to exercise when he feels strong enough to do so; dad loves to hear this as he is convinced that is why he is doing so well cardiac wise. He will see Dr. Whang in April unless something comes up.

Mom and I commented once again how blessed we are to have such knowledgeable professionals caring for our husband and father. Dr. Whang was well informed of our father's condition, it is reassuring to know that he is part of dad's extraordinary medical team.

12.15.2008

Even after a long, activity filled weekend our father continues to gain strength each and every day. We are still working on the dietary issues with each new day bringing promises of weight gain.

Dad has more appointments this week with his Cardiologist and a follow up with his Neuro-Surgeon, we are sure they are going to be just as impressed with this incredible man as we are.

12.14.2008

Mom and Dad returned to Salt Lake City this morning for the final Christmas Concert Performance. Dave and I stopped to visit following our meetings and they were just getting home. Both mom and dad are exhausted yet so fulfilled. Mom has one final holiday event this evening, I think dad will stay home and rest.

Dad and Dave visited while I prepared dad's weekly medications. Changes in some of mom's insurance benefits have changed since dad completed his chemo, we are waiting for the insurance company to notify mom as to when she can obtain dad's chemo. Dad will take his oral chemo five days on thirty days off, we have already been informed that it is a much higher dose and we will see evidence of this. We are grateful to even have the option.

12.13.2008

Mom and dad returned home very late last evening, Matt and Michele were in Deer Valley overnight for their annual work Christmas dinner/party so this meant the kids were able to stay with us! Mom and dad were already scheduled to be in Salt Lake the entire evening so I jumped at the opportunity of taking the kids until grandma and grandpa returned. Being with Matt and Marty's children is like experiencing a little bit of heaven here on earth, they are so kind, thoughtful, fun, and well mannered.

Mom and dad experienced another wonderful night last evening, they were assigned to dinner parties and then had responsibilities at the Conference Center for the Christmas Concert. Following the concert dad was assigned to accompany featured artist Brian Stokes Mitchell to the Joseph Smith Memorial Building for his cd signing, this was the reason for their late return. It is very apparent that our father is one happy man, returning to missionary service has been the best medicine during this challenging time of our lives; we are so grateful.

Mom took Matt and Michele's kids home this morning so they could attend a ward party and get their chores done. Dad rested throughout the day and prepared for another long evening in Salt Lake.


Dave, Gentry and I took Trax to the Conference Center for the concert this evening, while we were waiting for the program to begin we were able to watch mom and dad in action.
It is most comforting to witness the blessings being afforded our family on a daily basis, one month ago I would not have been able to imagine standing with my father in a building he dearly loves, performing the sacred work he has been called to do. Simply amazing. We were honored this evening to meet a fellow missionary and special friend to mom and dad. Jerry is also traveling this cancer road with his eternal sweetheart who has Leukemia. As I watched dad and Jerry exchange sentiments of love with one another I knew I had just met one of the many angels who surround our parents.

12.12.2008

Dad completed his second shift back at the temple this morning with minimal problem, he is freezing (down to 150 lbs.) but he will remedy that by wearing new thermal undergarments. Dad took a much needed nap prior to leaving for Salt Lake and an evening full of events and music.

Dad's blood pressure remains good 97/52 and his bloodwork continues to be well within normal limits, this is such a blessing considering all that he has been through. One of dad's physicians cannot believe that dad's platelets have remained normal and that his white and red blood cells have not declined or accelerated throughout treatment, prayers have been answered. Dad's weight is down approx. 14 lbs. from where we would like to see it, prayers for increased appetite and weight gain are most appreciated. Dad does not feel like eating anything "sweet" but is still enjoying "salty", we continue to encourage, prepare, and provide anything and everything that sounds good. We are learning that we cannot just place food in front of him and expect him to eat, we have learned that we must inquire and then provide.

I have missed seeing mom this week but I am full of gratitude that she is able to serve within her mission capacity at this time. The task of caring for a terminally ill loved one is "daunting" to say the least. We are very aware of our father's condition and his prognosis; this makes each of us ultimately aware of the need to be positive and faith believing as we perform our individual tasks in caring for our parents. Our mother is faced with difficult challenges each and every day, she lives, eats, drinks, and breathes this awful disease; however, she fulfills her role as wife, mother, grandmother, employee, sister, friend, and woman with dignity, grace, courage, determination, and a heart full of love. As her children we are so thankful for the ability our mother has been blessed with to continue working and providing amazing insurance benefits for our dad, we are thankful for her desire to continue serving others even though her needs are great, we are thankful for the opportunities we have to "fill in" the few gaps we can while she is away, and we are most thankful for our mothers example of faith, positive thinking, and testimony.

Your words of encouragement, promise, faith and love are most appreciated. We know that our parents did not accept this gift of adversity because they needed it, they accepted it in behalf of others so that we may learn. I daily pray that my heart and mind may be turned to the opportunity before me to learn, grow, serve, and strengthen my testimony. I want to be just like my parents when I grow up.

12.11.2008

Dad was up bright and early to fulfill his duties at the temple this morning, he is so thankful for this blessed opportunity. Dad returned from his early morning shift just in time to leave for Provo.

Mom and Dad met with dad's Medical Oncologist today for his post treatment visit regarding the chemo side of this journey. Dr. Rich reviewed the CT scan just as Dr. Clark, his interpretation seems to be along the same lines as Dr. Clark; they both feel that the minimal swelling is due to the radiation and not growth of the tumor. A follow up CT will be done two months from now which will better indicate the success of the radiation.

Dr. Rich is a realist for which we are most grateful, he reminded mom and dad once again that dad has a very serious type of cancer which will ultimately take his life. We must focus on quality of life rather than quantity of life. Discussions of "maintenance therapy" were held and Dr. Rich reviewed dad's chemo protocol for the next couple of months, he will be taking the same oral chemo but in a larger dose; 5 days on chemo 30 days off. Studies have shown this protocol to be very promising and successful, we will also watch for any new clinical trials on the horizon. The Neuro-Oncology Conference was held in Las Vegas last month where several trials and treatments were reviewed and announced, this looks encouraging. Dad will begin chemo tomorrow. Dad was able to receive his flu shot today but still must remain very cautious to avoid germs and illness. Dad felt very good about his appointment with both of his Oncologists this week other than he has not received the "go ahead" to drive, PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE.

Mom had a large event at the Church Office Building as well as dress rehearsal for the Christmas Program at the Conference Center, she left for Salt Lake shortly following dad's appointment. I stopped by to visit with dad on my way home from work, he had just awakened from a much needed nap (he has not slept since Tuesday evening). Dad and I talked about his appointment, frustrations, blessings, sacrifices, and the difficulty our family has in being gracious receivers of acts of service. Dad and I discussed the fact that it is much easier for us to be on the giving end rathern than the receiving end, I reminded dad that through his acceptance of this cancer gift he is providing family, friends, and neighbors the avenue to receive some of our Father in Heaven's most cherished blessings... true yet challenging.

Dad decided not to go to Salt Lake with mom this evening, he had a Christmas Dinner with one of the Horseback organizations he belongs to, he was excited and anxious to attend and visit with dear friends he has missed over the past couple of months. Once again, I loved the quiet moments and conversation I was able to share with my father today; we selected the outfit he would wear tonight, listened to a new CD he had received, and talked of dreams, wishes, and promises. I am one lucky girl!

Dad will return to the temple in the morning to work his regular shift, he and mom will travel to Salt Lake tomorrow afternoon. Dad mentioned several times this evening how "wonderful" it was to be back at the Conference Center among the General Authorities, "being in their presence is great".

President Eyring spoke last evening at the Zion's Security Dinner where he addressed the "crescendo's of life", just like written music there are ups and downs in life, it is up to each of us to discover the beauty in each rise and decline of our personal crescendo's. We will each experience moments of our lives where there are increases of intensity and force leading to an ultimate climatic position, we will then experience a de-crescendo where the forces and intensity begin to diminish and the music of life quiets down. How grateful I am for another wonderful lesson shared through the eyes of my father.

12.10.2008

Mom and Dad have a very busy week at the Conference Center, several events are on the books as well as the choir's annual Christmas Concert. General Conference and the week of the Christmas Concert are two of the events mom and dad enjoy so very much. Although they are the most exhausting weeks of their lives they each love the opportunity of being involved and serving.

Mom and Dad were in Salt Lake all evening. Tomorrow is another day full of doctors appointments and events at the Conference Center. Dad is meeting with his Medical Oncologist tomorrow to discuss chemo maintenance and the next phase of our cancer journey.

Our prayers for today include:

Chemo maintenance that will be manageable
Safe travels to and from Salt Lake
Increased energy and physical strength for dad to be well enough to participate in the events of the holidays
Dad's appetite to increase
Patience, Patience, Patience

12.9.2008

Matt and his family spent Family Home Evening last night with mom and dad. They brought more wood, split logs, and shared pumpkin cookies and cider.

Today has been a day of earnest fasting and prayers in behalf of our father. Mom had an assignment in Salt Lake this morning and returned this afternoon for a full schedule of CT scans and doctors appointments. Dad met with his Radiation Oncologist today for his post radiation/treatment appointment. We are excited to announce that everything looks just as they had hoped following 6 weeks of treatment. Dad has minimal swelling at the surgical site which is believed to remain from the radiation. Mom and Dad were advised that the radiation treatments will continue to remain "actively treating" up to 2-3 months post treatment, this is encouraging. Dad's physician remains very positive and hopeful for a quality filled life with our father.

Dad received the "go-ahead" to return to the temple, his missionary work, and other limited activities. We are encouraging dad to take it one step at a time, build his strength, avoid sickness and germs, and remember "thy" will not "my" will.

As I visited with dad this afternoon the excitement in his voice was enlivening, it was heart-warming to listen to his expressions of faith and appreciation he has in the prayers being offered in his behalf. Our family could not have endured the past four months without the prayers and thoughts of so many loved ones, friends, ward members, and perfect strangers. Each prayer has been heard and felt in the hearts of our family; we are touched, blessed, and so, so loved.

12.8.2008

Dad had a Water Conservancy Board Meeting today, as I drove him downtown we discussed his upcoming appointments this week, Dad is confident, encouraged, and full of faith that all is going to be well. The focus of our minds, hearts, and prayers today is that we too; will be believing.

Gentry picked up dad from his meeting and took him home following his meeting. We understand and witness the frustration dad experiences with his temporary driving restrictions; we also understand and have witnessed the many blessings that accompany these restrictions.
Several have been provided the occasion to take dad to appointments, treatments, meetings and leisurely rides; what a blessing this is! Although our father looks at these opportunities as inconveniences we are so thankful that our moments to serve have not been restricted.

One of the greatest lessons I continue to learn from my parents is that of earthly service, from the time I can remember my parents have been actively engaged in service to others. Whether it be church, work, civic, school, or throughout their neighborhood our parents believe in service to others. Some of my sweetest memories of childhood are those that involve the acts of service my parents would perform. For several years my mother and I would walk over to Grandma Swain's home where I would watch my mother roll Sister Swain's hair in small black bristled rollers. I would sit on a stool at the kitchen table and marvel at my mother's hair rolling speed as we listened to Sister Swain update my mother and I on the comings and goings of each of her children and grandchildren. Later in the afternoon my mother and I would return to remove the curlers and comb out the crisp curls of fine, fine hair in preparation for Sunday. Another memory of service that took place in Grandma and Grandpa Swain's home are the days my father would return from work, change his clothes and walk over to the Swain home where Burt was bedridden; my father would gently lift Brother Swain's frail body tenderly repositioning him in the bed to prevent bed sores. I recall many late nights when Sister Swain would call for my father to come to Burt's bedside to perform a sacred priesthood blessing or assist in changing bedding. My memories of being in the Swain home are memorable and magical, I still to this day can recall the smell of their home, the sound of Grandma Swain's voice, and the adventures we had in their fascinating yard; but the greatest memories of all are the examples of service rendered by my parents and the gracious acceptance and appreciation of their offerings from Fern and Burt.

Through their acceptance of this gift of cancer our parents continue to teach the powerful principle of service; they are providing each of us opportunity and inspiration to reach out to others. I don't know that our parents will ever be able to comprehend the number of lives they have touched, changed, and inspired; my own being one of them.

12.7.2008

Mom performed her duties in Salt Lake this morning and returned in time to pick up dad for church. As it was Fast and Testimony meeting dad desired to attend the meetings he has missed so much over the past couple of months. Four months ago on this very day our cancer journey began, it only seems fitting that dad be provided the opportunity to publicly express his profound gratitude to our Father in Heaven, convey his heartfelt love and appreciation to ward members and friends, and to bear his powerful and touching testimony. The Lord's tender mercies continue.

Mom and Dad then traveled to Salt Lake to prepare for the First Presidency's Christmas Devotional. Mom had two other events following the meeting so dad patiently waited for her to finish. According to dad "today has been a wonderful day, I feel great".

I went over this evening to prepare dad's medications for the week, it was strange to not be able to visit with dad while I was there. Yet, it was so comforting knowing that he was with mom performing the sacred work he and mom have been called to do. Dad has sincerely missed his ability to serve at the Temple and Conference Center, we are so grateful that our Father in Heaven is affording him the strength, health, courage, and ability to resume the activities he cherishes.

12.5.2008

Mom phoned at 7:45 a.m this morning and explained to Gentry that dad had been unable to sleep last night, therefore, he would not be traveling to Salt Lake today.

I called dad later this morning and he said that he had finally been able to fall asleep early this morning and was not just getting up. I don't know if it was the anticipation of going with mom or just plain old insomnia that kept him awake. Dad mentioned that he had called Anthony around 3:00 a.m. to visit with him; we are grateful that Anthony's line of work affords him the ability to visit with dad at these odd hours of the night.

Dad's plan for this afternoon is to have a can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup, exercise and rest as needed.

Dad spends a great deal of time reading his scriptures and other church doctrine, he has presented some thought provoking questions over the past couple of weeks. The thought currently on his mind is his wonderment in the tone of voice the Father used when He and the Son appeared to Joseph Smith. This combined with other recent conversations makes one wonder what takes place in the quiet hours our father spends alone.

While visiting with dad this afternoon he received a phone calls from his college friend Steve and Carroll O; they had a great time visiting and catching up. Dad appreciates and enjoys so much the phone calls he receives throughout the day. Dad and I spoke of the number of dear friends from Sanpete County that he still has contact with, he looks forward to visiting with some of them during the holidays. Dad is appearing healthier each and every day, his strength is gradually returning and he is back on his daily exercise regime.

Dad invited Dave and I to go with him this evening for Chinese food; we were excited to be able to spend some quality time outside of home surrounded by good conversation, precious company, and food. Our conversation this evening was most humbling and moving as dad spoke of his upcoming post treatment appointments with his Oncology team; I continue to be reminded of the magnificent strength of this remarkable man. He is courageous, believing, and ever so inspiring; during the times that I feel I don't have enough faith to carry me through I know that I can rest on the wings of our father's faith until I am able to once again fly on my own. As we ended our meal with traditional fortune cookies we were touched and humored when dad revealed his fortune...

"You will soon be reunited with dear friends"

I had to wonder; "was it just coincidence that Steve and Carroll happened to phone dad today?" I like to believe it is because our father is a very fortunate man.

12.4.2008

Dad is back on the bike and treadmill trying to encourage his strength and muscle quality. He has been sleeping well yet still struggles somewhat in the food department. He has been sleeping until later in the morning and sometimes wakes up in time for lunch. The desire for "salty" foods continues with an occasional craving for a milkshake.

We are noticing more lack of memory and some intermittent confusion as our journey continues. This could be from the disease, lengthy hospital stays, being somewhat confined to home, or a combination of all of the above. We know that it most likely will not improve and we understand that it has the potential of becoming much worse.

Dad thought that a salad sounded especially appetizing this evening. He ate the rest of his steak leftover from the party on Monday evening and watched a little television.

I reminded mom this evening that each additional day is a gift with a lesson to be learned. Dad has gone to bed and is looking forward to tomorrow, we will pray for the best.

12.3.2008

Dad's feet are doing much better, the swelling is down and he is now able to wear his regular footwear. Dad called his Radiation Oncologist today to discuss a time frame when dad could return to his missionary duties. The physician told dad that he could resume doing activities as he felt able but that he must be very cautious and not over extend himself.

Mom has several events in Salt Lake this week, the largest being Elder Wirthlin's funeral on Friday. Dad is determined to attend the funeral, perform his duties and then wait for mom while she oversees the other two events taking place that evening. I told mom that I would drive up and pick up dad later in the afternoon but he is insisting that he will stay and ride home with mom. We will see how it all goes.

12.2.2008

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." Joseph B Wirthlin, "Come What May, and Love It," Ensign, Nov 2008

Dad and I have discussed on a couple of occasions how timely several of the messages during the most recent General Conference were considering our current circumstances. One particular talk that we found to be so timely was Elder Wirthlin's "Come What May, and Love It". Through dad's cancer journey we are being afforded numerous opportunities of discovering the blessings of adversity and challenge. Our mother frequently reminds us "it is what it is, we now have to deal with it". Mom and Dad continue to provide the strength, wisdom, love, faith, and testimonies which enable each of us to carry on.

As I have read and re-read Elder Wirthlins talk I am convinced now more than ever that it was written for our family (I am sure there are many who feel the same). I especially appreciate the wisdom he shared when he said the following:

"If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness.

"These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others."

I am so grateful for this wise counsel and the opportunity he provided to remind each of us to:

Laugh

Seek for the Eternal

The Principle of Compensation and

Placing our Trust in the Father and His Son

We are grateful that our family has the ability to laugh with one another; even though we sometimes laugh through tears we are so grateful for those healing, happy laughs.

We are thankful to have two parents that through their examples have taught each of their children to never ask "why me?" Our pain, sadness, frustration, and heartache are understood by the one who suffered the greatest suffering of all. We have found comfort through the powerful examples of our mom and dad.

We have been blessed beyond our belief through the principle of compensation. Our father's knowledge and testimony of the Plan of Salvation brings peace to our souls, the fasting and prayers of many provide us strength necessary to endure, and the encouraging words from dear family and friends heal our hearts.

We continue to marvel at our father's ability in placing all of his trust and faith in his Father in Heaven. Our dad knows that prayers in our behalf are being heard; he trusts that he is being held in the hollow of his Father's hand.

As we continue to grown and learn through the challenges of this life may we each understand that

Come what may, it is what it is. We now must press forward, deal with it, and love it.

12.1.2008

During our morning phone call this morning mom and I discussed how we both appreciated the opportunity of visiting with Aunt Carol last evening. Aunt Carol has the ability to say it like it is, make one feel better about things, and provides enough laughter to keep you smiling until the next call.

Our mother comes from a family of four daughters, each one of them are strong, talented, hard working, knowledgeable, amazing cooks, incredible grandmothers, service oriented, and delightfully fun. Mom's oldest sister, Joan, passed away from cancer and is deeply missed, Carol resides in Idaho Falls and mom's youngest sister Connie lives in Salt Lake. Aunt Connie faithfully calls mom each night to check on she and dad; these phone calls are so important to each one of us. As fragile as our father's condition is we also have a mother who is fragile as well; although she remains strong and does not come off as being in a fragile state we know her needs are great. Aunt Connie and Aunt Carol provide mom an outlet that no one else can, they understand their sister in ways that we will never be able to.

Dad was determined to go to one of the Christmas parties he looks forward to each year, he was all dressed, boots on, and waiting for mom when she arrived from work. I visited with mom when they returned home and she indicated that dad was exhausted but had a good time visiting.

11.30.2008

Mom traveled to Salt Lake for her assignment this morning and returned to go to their ward. Dad remained home resting and visiting with Marty's family and Anthony. Gentry went over early this afternoon and dad asked him to take him over to Pleasant Grove to deliver some things to Hugh. Dad wanted to take his car but Gentry declined because he did not feel comfortable driving a stick shift, dad told him "that's okay, just let me drive". Gentry responded saying "Grandma would kill me, grandpa; we'll just go in the truck." Dad enjoyed the ride and the opportunity of seeing a friend.

Dad and Gentry had a very interesting conversation today where dad shared with him some things that he has not shared with anyone in regards to the heart attack he suffered while serving as a Bishop at BYU. While dad was performing interviews with ward members he began feeling chest pressure but he just kept putting it off thinking that it would go away, as it persisted dad heard a voice tell him to seek help, dad ignored this prompting and kept interviewing. Again he heard the voice telling him "you are in trouble, get help", dad explained that he "knew" the voice; it was familiar to him. Dad shared with Gentry that the voice he heard that day was the voice of his mother admonishing him to seek medical attention, the tone his mother spoke in was the same tone she used in his adolescence when he appeared to be ignoring her counsel or instructions. Each of us have known what took place that day in dad's office at BYU yet he had never shared with us whose voice it was that prompted him to get to the hospital that day. Gentry was the recipient of a most tender mercy this day.

Matt's family came by this evening to visit with mom and and dad as well as the Home Teachers. Gentry and I arrived early this evening so that I could prepare dad's medications for the week, we had a great time visiting with the kids while mom and dad were occupied. As mom and dad joined us our conversation centered around mom's Christmas tree. Dad captured Madison's intrigue as he emotionally paid tribute to his dear mother for the magnificent beauty of the special ornaments she had crocheted and finished just days prior to her death on Thanksgiving Day over 20 years ago. It was at this moment that I profoundly realized how much my father must miss his mother and yearns for her to tell him "things will be alright".

Our Father in Heaven's design of family is simply divine; regardless of age or the distance between a child and their mother each maintains a heavenly connection of nurturing, tenderness, consoling, and infinite love. Through his revealing words today our father has demonstrated his never-ending love and longing for our grandmother.

11.29.2008

Dad continues to soak and massage his feet in an effort to gain some relief from the intense swelling and tightness; he is convinced that this is working.

Dad spends most of his days wrapped in blankets from head to toe, in front of the fire, napping. We are hopeful that his fatigue is from the intense battle he has been fighting. Mom remains vigilant in providing and preparing foods that sound appealing, this changes in a moments notice and often she prepares it and it no longer sounds good. This is all too familiar; Aunt Joan and Donna both experienced the same thing during chemo.

Mom and Dad are enjoying having the kids and grandchildren around, this is what it is all about. Mom has spent the past two days decorating for Christmas; it is true, there's no place like home for the holidays.

11.28.2008

We have not had a photo of our entire family taken since Samantha Emma was a baby, we have since added Madison, Russell, Cooper and Easton to the group. Seeing that we were all home for Thanksgiving mom thought that it would be a perfect time to have a family portrait done.

We all gathered at the carefully selected location, the pasture, bright and early on this windy, chilly day in hopes of capturing some priceless memories. We felt that the pasture was the perfect location as it holds years of fond memories for some of us, mostly our father.

Dads feet remain very swollen and uncomfortable yet he was determined to walk around the pasture from photo spot to photo spot. It was touching to see dad's horses react as mom pulled into the pasture; it was if the horses knew that dad was in the car, they greeted him the minute he got out of the vehicle and walked by his side as dad led them to the corral. Several cars had pulled into the area this morning and the horses continued eating in the pasture; it was when mom and dad arrived that their attention transitioned.


We were able to get some fun photos of our entire family as well as individual families, we are anxious to see how they all turn out. Mom took dad home as soon as we were finished with the large family photo as he was chilled to the bone. Most of the family returned to mom and dads for Thanksgiving leftovers and an afternoon of visiting and playing. Mom, Teri, and I battled to get dad's feet warm and comfortable as Matt prepared a nice fire in the family room. Dad rested, soaked his feet, and watched a little television for the remainder of the day.

11.27.2008

For the first time in several years our entire family gathered at mom and dad's for Thanksgiving. Marty and his family, Anthony, Maigan, and McLean traveled from Idaho, Arizona, and California to spend the holiday weekend with their Utah families.

Today was a lesson of learning as dad instructed Marty how to cook a perfect turkey Dutch Oven style. Once the bird was cooked dad instructed Anthony on how to carve the perfect bird.
We each brought respective parts of the meal and all 27 of us gathered around tables set with the finest of china and crystal. Dad offered a beautiful Thanksgiving prayer where each of us were taught the sacred manner in which we should each convey our profound gratitude to our maker. Through quivering words we were witnesses to tender expressions of grace and humility as our sweet father laid his heart and soul on the table while offering humble gratitude for the miracles performed in his behalf. A lesson never to be forgotten.

As we were eating dad brought our attention to the number of generations represented at our Thanksgiving meal; we were using the china and silver from mom and dad's wedding (49 years ago), we were sitting at a table that had belonged to dads parents, and we were serving and dishing up recipes brought down through the years using silver and crystal dating back to our great- grandmother.

The annual "Ringing of the Crystal" and the 2008 Arm Wrestling Challenge took place before we cleared the table. Many hands made light work as we quickly cleaned up the dishes while the cousins played, worked on their Thanksgiving game books, and the men got dad settled in front of a fire in the family room.

Although dad's feet remain very swollen and uncomfortable we have much to be grateful for. We are touched by the endless prayers being offered in behalf of our family, we are inspired by our parents steadfast courage and examples of righteous living, and we are humbled by the opportunity we have to do hard things.

I, personally, am so thankful for the gifts of adversity and challenge; for I know that through acceptance of these gifts we are blessed with some of our Father in Heaven's most tender mercies. I am witnessing each day that these gifts are wrapped in grace and hope; they provide each one of us the opportunity to renew our faith, increase our testimonies, practice patience and remind us to "Be Believing" in Heavenly Father's plan. I am discovering beauty in the gift our parents have accepted in our behalf, thank you mom and dad.

11.26.2008

I called dad this morning to see how he did last night and he said that he slept well considering the pain he is experiencing. His appetite remains good, he made the following comment while we were discussing food

"You and your mother have spoiled me, you usually inquire if anything sounds good several times a day and yesterday you didn't ask me."

I explained to him that I had called last evening but he was asleep and asked what sounded good to him. He replied "WienerSchnitzel has extra long chili dogs two for a dollar and that sounds really good". He let me know that he and mom were headed down there as soon as they finished up with an appointment they had at the house.

It is evident that dad does not feel well as he is experiencing some mild anxiety and irritability. None of this can possibly be easy for our father, I am sure that he thinks of many things, scenarios, and situations in the quietness of each day. Through fear, pain, anxiety, and sadness dad continues to prove that his spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to his mortal body.

Marty, Teri and the girls will be here later this evening and we will look forward to a memorable Thanksgiving; we have much to be grateful for.

11.25.2008

Dad did not sleep well at all last night; his gout remains the same and he is just downright miserable. Yet, if you ask him how he is doing he replies "wonderful, I am doing wonderful". Dad's amazing attitude continues to teach me that one's attitude towards life determines life's attitude toward us. Each day may not be good, but when we have a great attitude we can find something good amongst the bad.

When I spoke with mom later this evening she indicated that dad had been asleep since 5:30 p.m., he is trying to make up for missed Zzzzzzz's last night. Soup was the choice for dad's lunch menu, we are hoping he will wake up in time to eat a little something for dinner.

11.24.2008

Dad phoned early this morning to see if I could bring him some milk, his had gone bad. When I arrived at their home it was evident that dad was in a great deal of pain, the gout has settled in the arches of his feet and he is miserable. Dad had been waiting for me to arrive so that he could eat his breakfast and take his morning medications.

I spoke with mom on my way to work and she informed me that dad had a miserable night. He was in a great deal of pain and had even spiked a temperature, she was able to bring his fever down but his pain is causing him great discomfort. She and I are both going to do some research today to see if there is more we can do for dad.

Mom spoke with one of the nurses at the college and she mentioned several things that we could do to try to alleviate some of dads pain. When I spoke with mom at lunchtime she was on her way to find some cherry juice; we will try anything at this point.

I called dad on my way home from work and when I asked how he was doing he replied "wonderful, I feel so much better this afternoon. I think I have finally gotten on top of this gout". I could hear in dads voice his improved strength, encouraged demeanor, and once again, his positive attitude. He told me that he had eaten a can of Campbells Chicken Noodle Soup for lunch and was planning on having Campbells Tomato Soup for dinner. Campbell Soup Company, we love you!

With each new day we find dad's physical strength improving and his determination and dedication powerful. I am discovering and appreciating that nothing is worth more than one more day.

11.23.2008

Mom spent the morning in Salt Lake in the Tabernacle with the choir. I checked on dad while mom was at church, I found him in his office, scriptures open, and their ward's meeting playing in the background. I was able to share another great conversation with dad on the topic of Missionary Work, he is so proud of Gentry and his recent return with honor from the Georgia Atlanta Mission. Dad's gout is still causing him great discomfort yet his overall appearance improves each and every day. I will check back later this evening.


Dad phoned late this afternoon and asked me if I had a Mountain Dew, had I heard him correctly????? Our father does not drink Mountain Dew. I told him that I possibly had a bottle in the garage that one of the kids had left behind and if I did I would bring it right over. I shared with Dave our phone conversation and within a few minutes Dave had produced two bottles of Mountain Dew, ahh... another wish granted. I walked the Dew and a loaf of sourdough bread over to dad and spent some time visiting with he and mom, Mom and I then prepared dad's medications for the week. Maigan, Dave, Easton and Cooper arrived shortly after and then Matt and his entire family joined in. We had a fun filled evening visiting, laughing, and cousin play time. Dad mentioned several times this evening how grateful he is that his desire to eat snack foods has returned, he has been enjoying a bag full of potato chips this evening along with mom's caramel puff snack mix.

Dad once again referred to the teachings of Isaiah and how Isaiah expresses that one will never know who or how they clothe another individual through proper fasting and prayer. Dad quoted several scriptures in Matthew and Isaiah, we are so blessed to witness our father's powerful testimony; especially now when we need it the very most.

Following the departure of everyone but myself, dad asked me to pour him his Mountain Dew and to find "that bag of potato chips your mother put away". I am so blessed to be able to serve this incredible man, his simple wishes are my uttermost priority. Our hugs are tighter these days, the "I Love You's" more meaningful, and I feel stronger and braver at the mere sound of his voice. I would "Dew" anything for these wonderful parents of ours.

11.22.2008

Mom does not have assignments in Salt Lake this evening, she has spent the day preparing for food for Thanksgiving. Dad's gout is making him quite miserable; he is unable to rest peacefully at night and his legs are very swollen and tight. Mom has placed a phone call to the doctor in hopes of getting more medicine and possibly a change in prescriptions.

Dad has been given additional medication for his gout and upon reading the prescriptions accompanying literature mom read that chemo is known for causing gout; are you kidding me???? We are going to aggressively battle this nasty set back and assure dad that we will not allow his pain to get out of control.

We had invited mom and dad over for dinner and the big game, mom called late this afternoon and stated that dad fallen asleep while she was out working in the yard. I encouraged her to allow him to rest and to just come over if he felt like it once he woke up. We were happy to see mom and dad slowly walking up our driveway a few short hours later. Dad kept reminding me that he didn't want too much to eat yet he had a hearty bowl of chicken chili and chopped green salad for dinner.

My heart is full this evening; having mom and dad back in our home following dad's 19 days of hospitalization (yes, he counted) for good food, good company, endless laughter, and memories to last a lifetime give me reason to celebrate the abundance of gratitude I feel.

11.21.2008

Mom took dad to his appointment with the Urologist today, everything checked out fine. After today's appointment dad is now able to remove another medication off of his lengthy regimen; we are grateful.

Dad asked mom to stop at China Isle on their way home from Provo to pick up some take out, dad had seen an ad from the restaurant and had been craving some of their soup. Dad had egg drop soup for lunch today and is looking forward to a hot and spicy Chinese soup for dinner. I phoned dad later this afternoon to see how he was doing, we visited about his appointment and discussed once again how well he is recovering. Dad is going to count up just how many days he spent in the hospital over the past couple of weeks; he is still haunted by the trauma and remains convinced that he has been taking far too many medications that do not play well together, I am leaning more and more that direction myself.

I walked over this evening to spend time with dad; he was just finishing up a bowl of Burnt Almond Fudge Ice Cream as I arrived. Dad's gout has flared up again the past couple of days and he is quite miserable with this. Dad has been spending a great deal of time reading in Isaiah the past couple of days so our conversation this evening was centered around the teachings he has been studying. I continue to marvel at our father's knowledge and wisdom in the gospel; dad shared his thoughts and ideas about tithing and fasting with me this evening. Once again I have been taught at the feet of my father.

Maigan, Dave, and Easton stopped by on their way home from dinner; Easton continues to delight dad with his fun, active personality that floods each of us with memories of Anthony 25 years ago.

11.20.2008

Dad remains very weak and tired; he will fall asleep right in the middle of a conversation. We know that as his appetite increases his strength will be restored.

Dad is resting well and attempting to do a little work on the computer.

11.19.2008

Dad has spent the day resting and taking it easy, he is so grateful to be home and in his own bed. Mom indicated that dad was somewhat restless last evening; he is probably nervous about the fever returning.

Dad wanted more Campbells soup this evening for his dinner, we are willing to prepare anything and everything that sounds good to him. I took Maigan and Easton over later this evening to visit; Easton is great entertainment and proved to be a sweet distraction to all of the medical chaos we have been experiencing. Dad looks better each and every day, he is aware that his body has been slammed and is finally convinced that we must take one step at a time towards renewed strength and energy. He has even mentioned that he will need to wear a mask when going to his upcoming doctor appointments; this is huge!

Dad is looking forward to Thanksgiving and mentions it often.

11.18.2008

Dad spent the day resting, receiving IV antibiotics and resting some more. Matt stopped by before going home this evening to visit with dad.

Dad's medical oncologist, neurosurgeon, infectious disease physician and hospitalist have each been in to visit with dad today. Dad's oncologist told him that we should have discontinued dad's chemo the day he had his last radiation treatment; the radiation and chemo dad has been on go together and should not be taken alone, no one had ever informed us of this. He also indicated that the chemo alone can cause fevers; add everything else going on and you have a recipe for disaster. Dad's neurosurgeon was very encouraging, he commended dad on how well he was doing and was optimistic for a very positive future.

Dad also met with the Dietitian yesterday, I think that someone put a bug in her ear that dad was refusing their undesirable cuisine.

Mom called me early this afternoon to let me know that dad would be discharged following his last dose of IV antibiotics. Matt was at the hospital when mom arrived and they were on their way home shortly after.

I called to check on dad before leaving work to ask him if there was anything that sounded good to eat, he mentioned that all he wanted was a can of Campbells Chicken Noodle Soup. I suggested some fresh pineapple and eclairs that I had saved from Sunday and he said they both sounded good to him. I told dad that I would be there in just a little bit to help him get some dinner; mom had a meeting at work that she needed to attend.

When I arrived at mom and dad's dad was up sitting in the kitchen watching an old western, we visited for a few minutes and he expressed that he was nervous and anxious about the fever returning. We talked about all of the positive aspects of this entire ordeal and discussed the abundant blessings our family has received over the past several months. Our father is intensely aware of the many tender mercies in our behalf and acknowledges the sacred power of prayer.

Dad's 6 week radiation/chemo cycle was never interrupted due to low blood counts, fever, illness, or complications; we are so blessed.

Dad has been able to remain at home for the majority of his recovery and mom has been able to continue working; we are so blessed.

Dad has an amazingly talented medical team who offer expertise, compassion, love, and encouragement; we are so blessed.

Our family has been lifted up daily by the numerous prayers and fasts being offered in our behalf; we are so blessed.

Mom returned home early this evening and I prepared dad's new regiment of medications. Dad has been taken off the oral antibiotics, anti-seizure, chemo, anti-nausea, and steroids. The only medication re-introduced is another anti-seizure medication. Maigan stopped by for a few minutes to see dad, she has not been back to visit since January; many things have changed. Dad and she had a tender visit and will be able to have several more over the next 10 days.

Dad's fever incidents remain a mystery; for the time being we agree with dad's medical team that quite possibly the combination of the chemo and some of the medications could be the base problem for dad's recurring temperature and chills. Time will tell.

11.16.2008

I received a phone call from Marty at 2:00 a.m. requesting that I come over to mom's immediately; dad has a fever and is declining rapidly. Upon arrival mom was on the phone to dad's Medical Oncologists answering service requesting direction. As I checked on dad it was obvious that things were not good; dad was flush with fever, experiencing excruciating pain in his shoulder, dizzy, and disoriented.

Matt arrived shortly after; he and Marty administered and pronounced a sweet blessing upon our seriously ill father. I called ICU at UVRMC to advise them of dad's condition and was instructed to bring dad in. Explaining this news to my father was possibly one of the most heart wrenching experiences of my life, he did not want to go yet we knew that he had no choice. For a brief moment I was aware of how difficult this whole ordeal is on our mother, I pray for the ability to be just like her. We were able to get dad robed, coated, fit with his beanie, and wrapped in blankets. I gathered and gave to mom his most recent discharge documents, and medication lists while Marty and Matt loaded him in the warm car.

Marty drove mom and dad to Provo with Matt following shortly behind; I stayed at mom's as Shelby was asleep in the back bedroom. Marty and I both had the strongest feelings earlier this evening that we should not fall asleep; Marty laid awake in anticipation of mom summoning his help as I scrubbed floors somehow knowing my phone would be ringing.

Marty was pulled over by law enforcement en route to the hospital, mom's car is seriously out of alignment and was swerving back and forth. The officer initially surmised that Marty had been drinking, upon seeing and hearing our father in the front seat it was obvious that Marty needed to get our father medical attention quickly.

Dad spent nearly 8 hours in the ER before being admitted to a room. All physicians on his medical team have been informed and we are now back to square one of the fever mystery. IV's were started, two tylenol and two ibuprofen brought his fever down and the course of IV antibiotics have been started for the third time. We are praying for answers, comfort, patience and peace.

It was difficult to not have mom and dad in attendance at Elder Bean's homecoming today; it was more challenging knowing that I could not be by their side. Uncle Ted, Aunt Connie and Carrie left for the hospital following Sacrament Meeting and Matt's family traveled over after rendering sweet service in our home feeding our many guests. Marty was able to gain a few hours of rest and checked in on mom and dad often. Dad was restlessly trying to catch up on much needed rest last evening and mom tried to rest as well. Mom returned home later this evening and went directly to bed, she is emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted.

11.15.2008

Mom had an assignment in Salt Lake this morning; dad spent the day resting and remaining quiet. I called to check on dad in the early afternoon and tell him that I had run into his surgeon at Costco. I expressed to dad the shock and amazement of Dr. Gaufin when I told him dad had completed all of his radiation treatments. I conveyed to dad Dr. Gaufin's sentiments and well wishes and reminded him that he has defied several odds throughout this battle.

Dad is extremely weak and fatigued. We are sure that it is a combination of all that has slammed his body lately; chemo, radiation, blood poisoning, sepsis, gout, fevers, powerful antibiotics, and two back to back hospitalizations. We must be patient, it is going to take time for dads immune system to build back up and for his strength to return.

Mom returned home and spent the evening visiting with Marty, Shelby, and Anthony. Dad does not appear to feel well this evening, we will watch him closely.

11.14.2008

This man must know that he is a miracle,

That since the beginning of the world there has not been

And until the end of the world there will not be another man like him.

When I spoke with dad this morning he informed me that Dr. Clark had his mask delivered to UVRMC so that dad could receive his final radiation treatment this morning. It is nothing short of miraculous that our father has handled his treatments so well; it is hard to believe that dad has completed all 30 sessions of his radiation treatments and now has only three more doses of chemo. A celebration is in order. Dad made the following statement when telling me about his excitement over completing radiation:

"If you can't bring the mountain to Mohammad

Take Mohammad to the mountain"

We know that Dr. Clark was inspired to correlate with UVRMC dad's final radiation treatment; he knew how much it meant for dad to complete the task 100 percent and we knew our father would never settle for 99.9.

Dad was released from the hospital this afternoon and is getting settled at home. He and mom stopped at Parker's Drive-In on their way home from Provo. Michele and I had planned a Radiation Celebration for this evening but due the kids getting sick they will not be able to participate.


Dave and I took a celebration of balloons, sparkling cider, and lemon bars to join mom and dad in acknowledgement of dad's great feat of accomplishment. Dad is happy to be home yet very weak and physically exhausted. We had a wonderful evening of visiting, dad was not hungry or thirsty so the lemon bars and bubbly will be put on ice for a later date.

Dad received a certificate of completion from the Radiation Oncology Team. We are so grateful to Dr. Clark and his incredible staff who have provided encouragement, support, love, and immeasurable knowledge.

Above is the mesh mask that dad would wear for each of his radiation treatments; dad would be positioned on the table and this mask was placed over his face and snapped to the table. The mask prevented dad from moving and assured that the beams of radiation were directed to the correct sites. I was amazed at how tight this was on dad's face and head; after each treatment dad had two indentations on the back of his head from the snaps. Our father truly is a man of courage, great faith, humility, strength, and resilient; he is one of a kind.

11.13.2008

Dad has had a quiet day with minimal medical activity, he and his IV pole took an unassisted walk around the floor, showered, rested and visited with Dave for a couple of hours this evening.

We are still waiting for results of cultures, tests, and lab work. Is no news good news? This in itself is a mystery.

Upon returning home this evening Dave reported that Dad looked good, acted better, and their conversation was at it's best.

11.12.2008

Dad was moved out of IMC today; he remains on IV fluids and antibiotics, several other medications were discontinued today. Dad's iron and potassium levels are now within normal limits and his edema is slowly decreasing. Heart rate, pulse, temperature, oxygenation, and attitude are all within normal limits; we are grateful for another good day.

Matt stopped by to visit with dad prior to heading out of town for work; he shared with dad a tender experience a total stranger has had regarding our father and the power of prayer.

We often comment that "we feel each and every prayer offered in behalf of our family," we sincerely mean this. I had a colleague today ask me if I was aware of the number of individuals praying for our father; my reply was immediate, although we may not know the exact number of those praying, we do know in our hearts that there are many. We feel it. We not only savor the words of your prayers but we are being sustained through the faith in which you pray. We know that we cannot take this journey alone, we need you and the help of our Father in Heaven.

Gentry, Mom, Uncle David and Aunt Gayle had a great time visiting with dad this evening. Dad looks well and remains positive, hopeful, and happy. I marvel at our parents abilities to remain steady and true as they walk this trail of uncertainty. Mom and Dad have willingly accepted to deal with hard things so that those of us looking in may learn from their strength, humility, faith, love, and testimonies.

Gentry and I were able to participate in family prayer with mom and dad this evening; as mom once again offered a prayer full of reverent gratitude her words were pulsating, yearning, and ever so tender.

Our parents firm belief in a loving Father in Heaven continues to provide peace, strength and comfort. We know that prayer is more than just words; we realize that we must exercise faith, be true in all we do, and humbly wait for His divine guidance.

Research has shown that quiet meditation, prayers and or the comfort of being prayed for lowers blood pressure, reduces stress hormones, slows the heart rate and has other beneficial effects. Many studies through the years indicate that believers in the power of prayer are healthier than non-believers; we are believers and our dad is too. Anyone who can endure spinal meningitis, two quadruple by-pass surgeries, heart stent placement x2, pacemaker and defibrillator surgery, renal failure, congestive heart failure and glioblastoma cancer; who remains as positive as our dad, must be evidence that he has connected to a divine understanding of himself and opened doors that extend beyond our comprehension, our father is a remarkable believer.

Thank you to each of you who remind us daily that we must clothe ourselves in the armor of God always; as we press forward, stand strong, and earnestly battle the storms of life.

11.11.2008

Happy Birthday to Samantha Emma Evans and our late grandmother, Emma Tucker Evans. Samantha Emma turns 8 today, she was appropriately named after our father's mother.

We were informed early this afternoon that dad will remain in the hospital for at least a week; they are not going to release him until they get to the bottom of his current setback. The ENT Physician has ordered that dad not be sent home until they have a handle on the source of infection and the cause for dad's blood loss. Dad's platelets and red blood cells are within normal limits which indicates that chemo is not the cause of the change in dad's blood counts.
Dad was hopeful that he would be discharged to home today; those hopes have been put on hold.

Gentry delivered some clothing, razor, books, and the latest edition of The Ensign to dad this afternoon; the two of them spent a couple of hours visiting and catching up on the past 24 months.

Mom brought in soup and salad from Olive Garden this evening, dad ate until he could eat no more. Mom and Dad called to wish Sammie a "Happy Birthday", they had fun visiting with this "sparky" little 8 year old.

Dad's ICU physician stopped by to visit today, again he reiterated how sorry he was that dad was back in the hospital and his commitment in making sure dad does not go home until we have some answers. We are still waiting for cultures to come back.

11.10.2008

Mom was able to visit with dad's nurse, Judy this morning regarding dad's condition and treatment plan for the day. Judy reported that dad has voiced his concern with being discharged to the 7th floor; mom informed her of our 7th floor nightmare, she now understands and will convey to the doctor our apprehensions. Dad's iron remains low, edema high, renal function compromised, and source of infection still a mystery. The doctors have ordered that dad see a Ear Nose and Throat specialist for more cultures of his sinus, they are leaning towards this being a possible source of dad's infection. Judy is going to take dad over to the physicians plaza this afternoon for more cultures. Dad was returned to IMC without incident following the cultures, the ENT Physician indicated that it will take 24-48 hours for the cultures to grow out, he will then test several different ranges of antibiotics to determine resistance factors. Dad's ICU Physician stopped by today and advised dad that they are determined to get to the bottom of this; we are so grateful for the knowledge, concern, compassion, and tender mercies of a fantastic medical team.

Dad is not eating again due to the continuation of more "fowl meals", he did say that a slice of pizza sounded really good; Dave and I will get a warm slice of pizza to him shortly.

Matt and his family stopped by to visit with dad this evening for Family Home Evening. Mom, Dave and I spent the evening visiting with dad as he enjoyed his slice of ham/pineapple pizza. Dad has been started on Lasix for his water retention; this should relieve the pressure in his legs and around his kidneys and heart. IV fluids are being pushed as well as antibiotics.

Prior to leaving this evening dad suggested that we have family prayer together, mom offered a beautiful, tender prayer petitioning the Lord's hand in blessing the medical team that they will quickly and accurately determine the source of the infection that is besetting our father's body at this time; we humbly ask that your prayers request the same.

11.9.2008

Mom completed her early morning assignment at the Tabernacle this morning and then arrived at the hospital to spend the afternoon and evening with dad.

Dad has had a CT of his head and some other tests today as his medical team continues to solve the mystery of dad's current condition. The CT came back showing edema (swelling, fluid build up) of his surgical site, this is not surprising considering radiation and brain surgery; it is negative for a blood clot or a bleed. Dad's legs remain swollen, it is obvious he is retaining fluid; the fluctuation of his weight is also an indicator he is retaining water.

Dave, Gentry and I spent the afternoon visiting with mom and dad. Jeff, his family, Matt and Michele arrived later this afternoon. Dad should rest well this evening following a great afternoon of visiting. One of our favorite nurses (Big Dave) is the floor manager today, we are confident and comfortable knowing dad will be treated with respect and quality care.

11.8.2008

Gentry spent the early afternoon visiting with mom, dad, Teri and the girls. Teri is preparing to return to Boise, they will be back next weekend for Gentry's homecoming.

Dad has enjoyed a good day until this afternoon when he began vomiting, chilling and running a fever. Mom got dad settled into bed where he fell asleep immediately. Mom had taken his temperature before he went to sleep, it was somewhat elevated. Mom called ICU at Utah Valley Regional Medical Center to report dad's condition, she was instructed to check dad's temperature in an hour and if it was over 101.6 she was to report to the ER. Mom had a nagging feeling after 30 minutes that she needed to take dad's temperature again, it had continued to rise. Mom loaded dad in the car and headed to the ER.

Dad threw up on the way to Provo and has started chilling, an IV was started and Tylenol was administered upon admission to the ER. All physicians on dad's medical team are being contacted to determine the best course of action. Several vials of blood were drawn, fluids are being pushed, chest x-ray obtained, and a sinus culture was taken by the staff.

Dad has been admitted to IMC and will be treated with more antibiotics. Initial test results show that dad has an infection somewhere even after a week full of oral and IV antibiotics. Dads iron is also low which could possibly indicate a bleed somewhere in his body. Dad's renal function is also out of range.

I visited on the phone with the hospital physician in IMC this evening regarding dad's medications and the possibility that a combination of some of them could be the cause of dad's current fever and infection.

We are grateful that dad is back in IMC where he received incredible care pre and post craniotomy, mom said that dad made it very clear to the ER Physician that he "will not be going to the 7th floor", we agree.

11.7.2008

Dad has spent the day at home resting and visiting with the girls. Teri and the girls raked leaves in mom and dads yard until dad insisted they stop; lunch and milk shakes from JCW's were a welcome treat and enjoyed by all.

Jeff, Steph, and Peyton stopped by this afternoon to visit with dad. Dad received his 29th radiation treatment today and will complete this round of chemo/radiation on Monday, he is beyond excited. Dad's gout continues to improve each and every day.

11.6.2008

Teri and the girls have have arrived and will spend the morning with dad until it is time to to leave for the airport to welcome home Elder Bean.

Mom and dad were able to visit with dad's Radiation Oncologist today; once again, dad was told how remarkable he is. Dr. Clark expressed his amazement at how well dad has responded to treatment despite his current bump in the road. Dr. Clark indicated that in all of his years of practice he has not witnessed a patient respond like dad has, we are so blessed.

Mom brought dad to our home following his appointment where he was able to have a tearful, love filled reunion with Gentry. Dad spent a short time visiting with family and then returned home to rest. Dad's determination, faith, hope, and will to press forward are stronger than ever, this is both comforting and inspiring.

11.5.2008

Dave went over and spent time with dad this morning, dad is doing better and not needing his cane this morning. Mom took dad to radiation today before leaving for The Conference Center, I will go in early this evening to prepare his dinner. Dad's appetite continues to be a struggle but we give him an A+ for effort.

I arrived at 5:30 this evening to find dad in the kitchen finishing up his dinner, he had eaten some homemade soup that mom had prepared earlier that afternoon and was topping off his evening meal with a bowl of sherbet. Dad looks and acts much stronger this evening, the swelling in his legs is still present but his legs are not as warm to the touch.

Dad and I had a great visit this evening discussing mom and her love of speed; she ski's fast, she rides horses fast, she walks fast, she cleans fast, she works fast, loves fast rides at amusement parks, and she drives fast. Several jokes, comments, and stories made for an evening of laughter. Nights like tonight are my most cherished treasures. As we prepared to head for the bedroom this evening dad expressed to me through tear filled eyes his disappointment that he would not be able to be at the airport tomorrow to welcome his missionary home. I explained to dad that there is no way we would allow him to go even if he could; it would be far too risky. I promised that he would see Elder Bean as soon as his radiation appointment was over.

I got dad settled back in bed, took his temperature and left him to watch some movies until mom returns a few hours from now.

11.4.2008

Dad has spent a quiet day at home resting following a large breakfast of eggs, yogurt, banana, and toast. Mom and dad had committed to a week full of events at the Conference Center this week thinking that dad would be strong enough to participate, unfortunately, dad is too weak and ill to accompany mom. All in due time.

Mom took dad to his radiation appointment and I met them there, the staff was so excited to see dad, their enthusiasm and encouraging words were the best medicine he could have possibly received this afternoon. I took dad home and got him settled in his bed, I will return to prepare his dinner in a couple of hours.

Dad ate a good dinner this evening of warm soup, crackers and fresh peaches; he has eaten well today considering his energy level and the effort it takes to get up out of bed to eat. Dad's gout is still very bothersome; his legs are swollen and he is barely able to get shoes on, it is unfortunate that physician orders for medication were not followed as dad has suffered immensely.

Following dinner dad slowly made his way back to his bed and is ready to settle in for the evening. I called to check on dad later in the evening and he was resting comfortably in bed, mom will be home shortly.

11.3.2008

Dad is now home resting comfortably in his own bed. Mom was able to bring dad home late this afternoon and is now getting him settled. Dad is extremely weak and unsteady on his feet, we are hopeful that with home cooked meals, a shower, and the comforts of home, he will feel much better very soon.

Words alone cannot express our deep appreciation for the many prayers, messages, and encouraging words each of you have expressed. Our Father in Heaven continues to be so good to us, there is no shadow of doubt that our combined prayers have been heard and answered.

There is a powerful feeling of assurance and peace that accompany our father wherever he goes, we feel it, others feel it, and he feels it; your prayers continue to provide the means for this peace to be present.

The opportunity to pray to our Father in Heaven daily is a privilege; yet, I am reminded that my responsibility is not finished when I say "amen". Amulek taught:

"And now behold, my beloved brethren,...after ye have prayed, if ye turn away the needy, and the naked, and visit not the sick and afflicted, and impart of your substance, if ye have, to those who stand in need-I say unto you, if ye do not any of these things, behold, your prayer is vain, and availeth you nothing, and ye are as hypocrites who do deny the faith." Alma 34:28

Through the examples of many we are being shown that we must never forget to live gospel principles as earnestly as we pray to our Father in Heaven. Each of you have strengthened us with prayer, touched our lives with your love and provided us courage, hope, and peace. We are surrounded by angels.

As mom was visiting with dad's physician today he reiterated how very close we came to losing our father last Monday, dad was critically ill when he was admitted to the ICU. Dr. Bishop explained to mom that very often a cancer patient will not die from the disease but from a secondary infection or fever. Dad has indicated that he is going to "slow down" and not get so anxious about "getting back to normal", patience and faith are going to be the key factors.

11.2.2008

The weather outside is reflected in dad's hospital room today; dad is still struggling with his gout and the medicine they are giving him just makes him sleepy. Marty,Mom, Matt and his family spent the afternoon watching dad sleep. I arrived later in the afternoon; after watching dad sleep for an hour I suggest he try to stay awake and eat some dinner. Nothing sounds appetizing to him, it takes a great deal of encouragement and talk of "home" to get him to submit to hospital food. Dad did eat some meat, potatoes, gravy, carrots, jello and a few bites of carrot cake. I then gave him some of his frozen Jamba Juice in a dish and he ate that as well, every bite taken is one step closer to home.

Following dad's dinner the three of us had the most delightful conversation about their childhoods and simpler times. Their intriguing stories invited laughter, tears and tender sentiments into dad's gloomy hospital room. Whether I am with mom and dad for a minute or hours on end I inevitably walk away having learned a powerful principle or lesson. I learned things about my grandparents, great-grandparents, and aunts and uncles today that I would have never known had I not spent the evening in room 780. Thanks mom and dad for an inspiring evening.

11.1.2008

Dad has spent a most miserable night in pain and unable to sleep. Dad's gout has returned with a vengeance; the staff did not follow the physicians orders, therefore dad was left to lie in pain for hours. They finally gave him something for the pain which knocked him completely out. Michele, Tanner, and Madi came to show dad how cute Madi looked in her Halloween costume but dad could not stay awake enough to enjoy their visit. They went to Baskin Robbins to get dad some sherbet, he ate what he could.

Mom had an assignment in Salt Lake this morning and is picking dad up a sandwich from his favorite German deli. Marty is busy at mom and dad's doing a few more "Soney Do's", we are so thankful for his willingness to drive from Boise to alleviate some of mom and dads worries. It is always a good time when Marty is around.

Marty and mom spent the evening trying to visit with dad but he was still very sleepy and out of it. We are each trying to figure out the level of nursing care dad is receiving, it has been most challenging to go from the incredible care in ICU to no care on the 7th floor.

10.31.2008

There are times in our lives when our Father in Heaven presents us with gifts that we would never ask for or want...such as this cancer. We realize that this gift cannot be returned and we know that it was given out of incredible love, but more importantly we have witnessed our parents acceptance of this gift with the same incredible love. When we are on the receiving end the responsibility lies within each of us as to what we will do with our gift.

Our parents continue to teach those around them gratitude, patience, service, and humility as they have so graciously accepted the gift of dad's cancer. This journey certainly is not an easy one to take but our eyes have been opened to the endless blessings we are receiving. Our hearts are so full of gratitude for the many prayers being offered in behalf of our family, your prayers are encouraging and sustaining. We are deeply grateful for Heaven's design of family and for the far reaching sources of love we are receiving from our immediate, extended, ward, and community family members. Your presence, prayers, encouraging words, love and support are penetrating and inspiring, we thank our Father in Heaven for each of you.

The Infectious Disease Doctor that has been called in recommended that dad have a CT of his head and abdomen, he has also indicated that one of the medications dad has been taking to prevent seizures could be a reason for his temperature spiking in the middle of the night. The Urology consult took place while none of us were there to talk with the doctor, it appears that he found everything within normal limits, however, dad's urinalysis taken on Monday is the only thing that has grown anything positive. All lab results are going to be somewhat altered because of the antibiotics that were administered early Monday morning and the IV antibiotics started in the ER.

Mom, Marty, Dave and I spent the evening with dad, we tried encouraging dad to drink some of the Jamba Juice we picked up on our way. Dad is very weak and tired, sucking out of the straw proved to be a difficult task. We will try again tomorrow.

Each day arrives bearing new gifts, we untie the ribbons and learn to enjoy.

10.30.2008

Dad had a fairly good evening until his temperature spiked in the middle of the night, his blood pressure is now elevated as well. His fever was brought down with Tylenol and they are watching his blood pressure. Mom was able to visit with the Dr. Bishop, dad's ICU physician on the phone this morning where they discussed the possibility of dad being moved from ICU today, and possibly home by the weekend. Dad still has a long way to go but it appears that we may be managing some of his care from home. Dad has expressed his great desire to get home so that he can resume his chemo and radiation, however, we are nervous about bringing him home before we have some things resolved.

A consultation with a Urologist has been set up for this afternoon to begin addressing a couple of issues. It appears that the items brought to the attention of Dr. Bishop and the ICU staff on Tuesday have helped the lab and medical personnel get one step closer to resolving dad's medical mystery, this would be an answer to many prayers.

Dad has been moved from ICU to the Medical/Oncology floor, the level of care is certainly different than what we have become accustomed to, the sooner we can get him home the better. Mom had an assignment at the Conference Center this evening so I took dinner into dad and spent the afternoon and evening with him. When I arrived dad was up in a wheelchair preparing to go for an ultrasound of his leg to confirm that there are no clots or cellulitis present. Dad ate a large bowl of soup, crackers, and fresh sliced peaches for dinner. Matt, Michele, Carson, Madison and Dave arrived later in the evening for a visit. Dad is exhausted and has slept most of the day, his energy is very low but his temperature and blood pressure are staying within normal limits. We will address his energy through rest and good healthy food.

We are still waiting for a Urology consult, hopefully tomorrow. Dad is anxious to get home and is confident that he will get stronger as soon as he can go home, we are sure he will.

10.29.2008

Dad spiked a fever of 104 again last evening, thankfully it came down after Tylenol had been administered, he has been fever free now for 7 hours. Dad was finally able to eat this morning and has tried to eat a little bit this afternoon, it is difficult when you can't tell what it is that you are eating.

Both of dad's Oncologists and the ICU doctor met with him this morning and have informed him of their plans of action, each would like to see dad discharged by this weekend and we would too as long as we are able to manage without complications. Dad must remain fever free, stable blood pressure, kidneys working, and ambulatory. If dad can get home by the weekend they will resume chemo and radiation on Monday. The nursing staff got dad out of bed today and sat him up in a reclining chair, he was able to sit there for nearly 45 minutes and then requested to get back in bed. This current bump in the road has knocked dad back several steps yet he is working hard to get back up to pace. We remain positive, hopeful, encouraged and patient.

All of the tests continue to return negative for any source of infection, how and why this happened remains a mystery. However, the ICU physician is looking into something that we brought to his attention on Tuesday that could very well be the cause of dad's septic condition. We are hopeful.

Mom went and picked up an absentee ballot for dad so that he can vote next week, she also stopped and received her flu shot. We had been waiting for dad to finish chemo and radiation because he cannot receive the flu shot until he has completed his treatments, we thought we would go and get our flu shots together, each of us will be taking care of that immediately.

Matt stopped by for a few minutes on his way home from work, mom and I spent the evening with dad. Dad is sitting up somewhat more in bed tonight and is watching a little television, his coloring looks much better and it is evident that he is gaining a little more strength and energy. His vitals are remaining stable, they are decreasing some of his medications, and we now need to focus on his appetite and fluid intake. Mom visited with Marty tonight, he will arrive tomorrow and dad was able to visit on the phone with Maigan.

Dad experienced a little bleeding episode this evening from his arterial line which resulted in changing sheets, pillow cases, arm splint, and hospital gown. When mom and I left this evening dad was enjoying a slice of pumpkin roll from his dinner tray and a lemon meringue tart that mom had brought him;, this is all he would eat. We will see if we can't satisfy is appetite with a few of his favorite things tomorrow.

10.28.2008

We received no phone calls in the middle of the night from the hospital, this is both comforting and confirming that dad has remained stable. Dave, Matt and Mom have been with dad this morning as the hospital staff continues to battle with dad's fever, it is at 104 this morning. Dad has received an alcohol bath and is lying on a pad that circulates cool water up and down his back. His spirits remain positive and he is anxious to get this issue resolved so that he can resume chemo and radiation. All blood cultures and tests continue to come back negative in efforts to determine the source of dad's infection. We may never know where or how this originated.

The ICU physician and dad's medical oncologist have both visited with our family this morning, they are encouraging and hopeful that dad will spend only a short time in the hospital.

We have diligently worked at keeping our father and ourselves healthy, germ free, and physically well so that we may address our parents needs, the source of dad's infection is unknown at this time and we realize that we will make ourselves crazy by continuing to discover where we went wrong in allowing him to get sick. We know that it could be as simple as touching a door knob, sitting next to someone who has been ill, or through a hug or shake of the hand; we are also aware that it could be far more complicated. We acknowledge the love and concern for our family from neighbors, family, and friends but we must ask you once again to respect our wishes of no visitors. Our father is in a very fragile and compromising condition at this time and members of the staff are attending to him fully gowned, masked, and gloved, his environment must remain completely sterile.

We will make every attempt to update dad's website with the latest of information, please understand that our time and efforts are dedicated to caring for our mother and father. It is just as important for mom to stay well-rested as it is for dad, our family is striving to care for her needs as compassionately as the hospital staff is caring for our father. We are encouraging her to rest and care for herself while she is at home (which isn't much these days). It is going to be impossible for us to return each and every phone call, we know that you understand. If you would like to send a note or card we will see that dad receives them.

Our prayer requests for today are for dad's blood pressure to stabilize, temperature to go down, fluid output to increase, and for the arms of peace and comfort to gently carry our father through this little storm.

Mom and I spent the afternoon and evening with dad, Matt stopped by on his way home. Medical staff was finally able to bring dad's temperature down but it was not without a whole lot of "torture". Dad has commented several times this evening how awful the cold water was running up and down his back. Dad's temperature, fluid output, blood pressure, and heart rate are all within normal levels this evening and they are now tapering off some of dad's medications. Our prayers are working. Dad once again is receiving insulin due to elevated blood sugars, steroids, and stress can elevate one's blood sugar. They also started Lovenox injections into dad's stomach, this will prevent blood clots and deep vein thrombosis. The ICU physician had ordered an ultrasound of dad's gallbladder, this was completed this evening without incident. Dad needed to be NPO in order for them to get a good ultrasound, dad has not eaten since yesterday morning. The nurse gave dad something to help him sleep this evening, they are hoping that restful sleep will allow his temperature to go down.

All tests continue to be negative, unfortunately, this does not bring us any closer to answers as to why this happened.

Through this experience we are being reminded of the importance of faith and patience. Thank you so much for each of your prayers, we have witnessed the power of your words and the grace of our Father in Heaven in dad's improving condition.